i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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