i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
