home. puking in laundry basket.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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