kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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