just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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