Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize