Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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