He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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