did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
