Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
