Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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