I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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