U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
