she looked like the before picture.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
