We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You took a bar mat shot.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
