what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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