i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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