my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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