did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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