after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
