that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
