So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
