I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
