So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
