Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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