Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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