how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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