I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
