I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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