"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
