You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
