Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
