I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
