someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
