Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
