I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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