How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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