Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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