how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
