when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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