i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
