4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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