Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
