I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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