i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
