I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Randomize
