I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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