Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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