i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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