Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize