Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
vagina is talking i cant
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
