So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
