Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize