Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
