whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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