her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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