Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
did i walk over a car last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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