Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
