We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
