Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
