My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I fill condoms, not promises.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
