Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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