I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
