No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
