Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
