mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
