I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
