i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
