mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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