I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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