He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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