im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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