So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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