Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
