i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
did i just pee glitter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
