And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
