I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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