clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
