My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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