why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
