I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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