Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
