Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
