Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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