i just had sex bonerless
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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