singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
