turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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