Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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