Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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