He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
