i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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