I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
