the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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