you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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