i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
