So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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