I skipped work to stalk him.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
