can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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