Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
