Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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