i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
